A coworker tells you your presentation was really clear. Before you can think, you hear yourself say, “Oh, I rushed the whole thing.” They shrug, the moment passes, and later you wonder why you argued with something kind.
So when someone gives you a compliment, it’s really important to respond in a way that keeps the conversation going. A good response has two main parts - first, you say thanks, and then you add a little something extra that’s true, to keep things flowing. Like, if someone says something nice about something you’ve done, you could say “Thanks, I really worked hard on that” - that way, you’re showing you appreciate their kind words and giving them something to talk about. It’s totally fine to be humble, but still show you’re grateful, before moving on to something else.
All the examples below are fictional. Adjust them so they sound like you.
What would you say?
A coworker tells you your presentation was really clear.
Pick a response to see how it would land.
Why it’s tempting to deflect
Sometimes, we think it’s polite to brush off a compliment. We might wave our hand and say “oh, no, it was nothing” because we don’t want to seem like we’re bragging. But the thing is, when someone gives us a compliment, they’re trying to say something kind. So, when we quickly say “no, no”, we can seem to be rejecting the compliment. We can seem to be saying “no thanks” to their kind words.
A related finding looks at people who are about to give a genuine compliment. You know, it’s like they’re thinking about how the other person will take it. Researchers Zhao and Epley did a bunch of experiments - nine to be exact - and what they found was pretty interesting. They discovered that people who were about to give a sincere compliment thought the person on the receiving end would feel happy, but not as happy as they actually did. And get this - they also thought it would be more awkward than it really was1. They studied givers and didn’t test replies. Still, it’s a reminder that a compliment may have taken some nerve to offer.
One reply, taken apart
Here's a fictional exchange. A friend says
Your wedding toast was amazing, it really touched my heart and I thought it was so sweet, I loved every word of it, it was just perfect for the happy couple.
You reply:
That really means a lot to me, thank you! I have to admit, , but I'm relieved it seemed to work out okay.
A specific detail like this gives your friend something to respond to, like asking how you managed to pull it off.
When someone pays you a compliment, you’ve got a few options for how to respond. A simple “thanks” is a great way to acknowledge it without making a fuss. If you want to show your friend that their words really meant something to you, you can add something like “that means a lot to me”. But if it’s just a small compliment, you can leave that part out. If you feel like elaborating a bit, you could share a specific story or detail - like how you were really nervous about it - and that can actually lead to some interesting follow-up conversations, like your friend asking how you managed to pull it off.
Now compare it with “Oh, I forgot half of it.” That reply invites your friend to argue with you, so their kindness turns into reassurance work.
Replies for common situations
The overall shape remains the same, but the surroundings can completely change how it sounds to our ears.
At work, when someone praises a project
Thanks so much for the nice words, I really appreciate it! I also want to give a shout out to Priya - she did an amazing job cleaning up the data, it was a huge help to me and I’m grateful for her hard work.
Share credit only when it’s true. Say thanks first so the credit doesn’t sound like a dodge.
With a friend, about something personal
That’s so sweet of you to say! I’ve been making an effort to get back into cooking, and it’s great to know you’ve noticed.
About your appearance
Thank you! I actually got a haircut just last week.
Keep this one short. There’s no need to explain, or to point out a flaw so you seem humble.
By text or in a comment:
Fictional reply by text or in a comment
Thank you, this honestly made my day.
Text loses tone, so a little extra warmth helps a short reply come across as sincere.
From a manager or someone more senior
That’s really good to know, thanks for letting me know! So what’s the next step, is there something in particular you’d like me to focus on for the next project, or should I just keep going with what I’ve been doing?
The follow-up question fits here because it turns praise into useful direction. Leave it out if the comment was a passing remark in a hallway.
When you don’t agree with it
Sometimes the compliment lands on work you feel unsure about. You can accept the kindness without signing on to every word.
Fictional reply when you're unsure about the praise
Thank you. I wasn’t sure about the ending, so it helps to hear that.
When someone gives you a compliment, just say thanks and be honest about your doubts. Don’t use that moment to pick apart your own work. If you really want to know their honest opinion, ask them another time. Just take the compliment and save any feedback for later.
When a compliment crosses a line
Example message
Let’s keep it to the project.
If this keeps happening at work, it’s probably a good idea to chat with someone you feel comfortable with about it. You know, someone who can offer some helpful advice or just listen to what’s going on. And don’t forget, your workplace may have a system in place for dealing with this kind of thing, so you can use that too.
Try it this week
When someone pays you a nice compliment, just say thanks and take a breath before adding anything. If you want to add something, keep it brief - maybe share one true detail or ask a question to keep the chat going. Then, let the other person share their thoughts and respond. And if you’re feeling a bit anxious, you can even practice these conversations out loud, like with a friend or even by yourself, to get more comfortable.