How to Remember People's Names (and What to Say When You Forget)

It takes only a few seconds for a name to vanish from your memory. This occurs for the simple reason that the name is heard while you are concentrating on the handshake and on your own response. So as to be able to remember a name, we need to devote a few seconds more to it when we hear it. The name then will perhaps stay with us. And if it does not, we should have thought of a way to deal with this phenomenon in time. Asking again for a forgotten name in the first minute is easy and rarely bothers anyone. The longer you wait to ask for a name that you have already forgotten, the harder it will become.

Below are the many habits that actually do help to remember names of people you just met. Then below that are the 4 scenarios for “I’ve already forgotten their name” and how to handle each of them.

Catch the name in the first few seconds

Many forgotten names have never been properly heard because we are preoccupied with our response to a greeting. In addition to this problem, there is a more fundamental one: “there is no inherent relationship between one’s name and one’s face”¹, so linking the two takes real effort.

That effort can be small. Try this order:

1. Listen to the person’s name when they first start to introduce themselves (i.e. allow the name to enter your working memory).
2. Say it back in your first reply.
3. If you didn’t catch it clearly, ask for the name again.
4. Notice a particular fact they mentioned (e.g. their job, where they are from, how they know the host etc.).
5. Use the name once more when you say goodbye.

Saying it back can be this ordinary:

There is no need to repeat a name more than twice in a conversation. After the first introduction, it is enough to bring up the name of the other person in good-bye messages, and thus you have had two chances to recall their name without drawing attention to it.

But some names will be unfamiliar to you, and that’s OK too. If in doubt over a name, it’s always welcome to ask for a pronunciation, or even whether it’s spelt with a ‘y’ or not.

The detail matters because it gives you something to recall later. Having something to remember after an initial greeting (such as the location where someone is from) is incredibly simple to implement. So instead of remembering just “Jordan” simply remember “Jordan, who just moved from Denver”.

Get the name in writing when you can

The person’s written name (i.e., on a name tag or from written contact information) may even help you to remember the person’s name later. In 5 experiments with UCLA undergraduates viewing videos of people introducing themselves, names that had also been shown on tags were more likely to be recalled when the faces were shown¹. Still, these were tests of young people viewing recorded introductions, with recall tested in the same session, so don’t expect too much from these results.

Remember: There are several instances in which you can look for written versions of someone’s name.

• You read the name on a person’s name tag or badge when you are introduced to them.
• Check the attendee list or calendar invite before a meeting.
• Read the email signature at the bottom of an email.
• Have them type their name in your phone, and you’ll be able to look it up later.

Actually writing down the detail next to the person’s name as you recall it may help too. The study didn’t measure this, since the lab experiments used only written name tags. However, until you get back to your phone or computer to update your contact list, writing down a few words about the person and the one detail you managed to recall will suffice.

123

1. 1
   Glance at the name tag

   Seeing the name written as you hear it gives you a second way to recall it later.

2. 2
   Say it back right away

   Sam repeats the name in the first reply. One use at hello and one at goodbye is plenty.

3. 3
   Hand over your phone

   Letting them type their own contact gives you the name in writing, spelled the way they spell it.

Keep names separate when you meet a lot of people

When you go to a large party, or to a wedding, a conference or even your first day at work at a new job, then remembering names is not enough. You also have to link these names to the right faces.

Remembering individual names at events with large groups of people can be a harder problem to solve, but mixing up names can be reduced by a short self-quiz of names in between groups of people. In an online study of 94 adults aged 14 to 83 learning lists of face and name pairs, this left correct recall no higher than simply studying again, and it decreased incorrectly recalled names of people who were in earlier lists of people². These were short lab lists, so this would provide a modest amount of help against mix-ups in the above situation.

When leaving a group glance back at each person in the group one at a time and silently try to remember their name. If you can’t remember their name go back and ask their name. Remember to review only a few new names at a time. It’s easiest to review 2-3 new names at a time before you go to review the rest of the people in the next group.

What to say when you’ve already forgotten

Not being able to remember someone’s name is quite common. Asking for their name straight away in the first minute after an introduction generally is no problem. The way you can phrase it in the moments after depends on the length of time that has elapsed since the introduction and the other people involved in the conversation.

I already forgot the name. What now?

It's been less than a minute since they said it+

Ask straight out: "Sorry, I didn't quite catch your name."

You're in the middle of a good conversation+

Admit it lightly, ask, then use the name once right away.

You need to introduce them to someone+

Name the person you know first and pause. If they don't offer their name, apologize and ask.

You're seeing them again days or weeks later+

Mention where you met, ask for the name, then write it down.

You've known them for months+

Look it up quietly first. If you can't find it, ask privately and lightly. Stop there and move on.

Right after the introduction. Ask straight away. Within the first minute, this sounds like normal listening.

In the middle of a conversation. You’ve been talking for 10 minutes or more and now you’ve forgotten the person’s name. Lightly mention how much you enjoyed their conversation and that you don’t remember their name.

You use the name straight away to try and get it to stick again.

Recovering a lost name mid-conversation (illustrative)

1. 
   Sam

   I've really liked hearing about your garden project, and I'm embarrassed to say I've lost your name. Remind me?

2. 
   Jordan

   Ha, it's Jordan. Don't worry, I've already forgotten a few tonight.

3. 
   Sam

   Jordan. Thanks. Jordan with the tomato garden, I've got it now.

4. 
   Jordan

   And you're Sam, right?

5. 
   Sam

   That's me. Want to grab another coffee, Jordan?

If admitting you forgot someone’s name is too embarrassing, then you can suggest swapping numbers and having them type their name into your phone. Alternatively, introducing another person to a conversation can prompt introductions all round.

Introducing them to others. It could be in a meeting at work and you are introducing them to the boss or a new colleague. Start by introducing the person whose name you do know. “Have you met my friend Sam?” After a pause they will typically introduce themselves with a handshake and you can say “Ah yes, lovely to meet you” and move on. If they don’t, be honest.

At the next meeting. Even though it’s been days or weeks, bring up the encounter at the workshop. If necessary, check a past email or chat message, or even ask another mutual acquaintance to remind you of their name.

If you have known the person for months then think back to your last correspondence with them. Look up an old email, a group chat or ask a mutual friend. If none of these work then ask privately and lightly and then write it down.

Your next step

Practice using Quippy with a scene partner to practice saying the above lines in the circumstances you are likely to face at your next event or meeting. Choose one person to test out these new skills on, say their name back, locate their contact details in writing and add a note with one other detail that will remind you of who they are.

Rehearse your recovery line

1:00

Pick the forgotten-name moment you dread most and say its line out loud three times, as if the person were in front of you.

Start timerResetMark as done

Sources and references

1. Murray, Tarlow, Rissman & Shams (2022). Multisensory encoding of names via name tags facilitates remembering. Applied Cognitive Psychology.Five lab experiments with UCLA undergraduates (about 38 to 49 per experiment) watching videos of people introducing themselves; seeing the written name (a name tag) alongside hearing it improved later face-cued name recall; lab videos, young students, recall tested the same session. Free author copy on the UCLA lab site (journal article copyright Wiley).
2. Sohlberg, Olsson & Gander (2021). The Effect of Forward Testing as a Function of Test Occasions and Study Material. Behavioral Sciences.Online experiment, 94 adults aged 14 to 83, studying lists of 10 face-name pairs; testing yourself between lists did not raise correct name recall versus restudying, but it reduced mixing in names from earlier lists; online, small groups of about 16, short-term lab lists only. CC BY open access.