You’ve written “I’m so sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to” four times now. Each version gets longer and more apologetic.
Sam’s message, “any chance you could take the quarterly report off my plate this week?”, was sent 40 minutes ago. It says “Seen” under it in the team chat. So Sam knows you have seen the message.
Your cursor is sitting after the word “unfortunately” in the fourth version of your message, and your shoulders are traveling up towards your ears.
These types of requests can be replied to very briefly. You simply decline the request and give one work-related reason for doing so.
You can offer to complete a smaller portion of work or to complete it at a later time, but only if you are actually able to deliver it.
If the request comes from your manager, name the conflict between work tasks and ask your manager to decide which task to complete first.
There are six types of requests for extra work that occur most frequently. Below are messages that you can use to reply to each of these types of requests. Note that the wording varies depending on who is making the request and how the request is being made to you.
What should you check before you say no to extra work?
Research by the American Psychological Association shows that a lot of workers feel stressed because of their work. In a 2023 online survey of 2,515 employed U.S. adults, 77% of workers reported experiencing work-related stress in the past month.1 If your pulse jumped when Sam’s name lit up, you are not alone.
The survey data is based on self-reports, so it can’t show whether declining extra work will reduce stress or harm your reputation at work.
Check the facts. When you are in the middle of this, it is more useful to check the facts about your work than to re-open your calendar for the third time, even though it hasn’t changed since the second time you looked.
- What is being asked? What does “take the report” off Sam’s plate really mean? Are we talking 12 pages of reporting or pulling a few numbers together for a summary? Find out the due date for this task and who will be responsible for it after you’ve done your part.
- Your hard deadlines. Walk through all of the tasks you need to complete this week with the work left on each one (e.g. “client proposal for Thursday, approximately a day and a half of work”).
- Your real hours available at work. Remove the time for meetings and the time you need to review your own work. An afternoon that looks “free” but has two calls in it might leave you with only 90 minutes.
- Who sets your work priorities. Work is asked of you by coworkers (Sam), and you can accept or decline. Work is assigned to you by your manager (Maya), and you would have a conversation with her about which task moves.
If you can’t answer these on the spot, you can use the brief “I need to check my deadlines. I will get back to you by three PM.” message to reply. That’s a full reply on its own, and it ends the forty-minute stare.
How do you say no at work depending on who asks?
Your two notifications from the same Tuesday morning are two different requests. Sam asked “any chance you could…” and Maya asked “Can you also pick up the customer summary?”
They look like the same sort of request, in a different form. The answer is very different, however.
Find your situation below, then skip to that section.
Which kind of extra-work request is this?
A coworker asks you to take something off their plate
It's the favor. Say no with one reason, and offer a small piece only if you truly have room.
Your manager adds a task on top of your current deadlines
It's the add-on. Name the clash and ask which task comes first.
Someone says it will only take a minute, or that it's urgent
It's the squeeze. Repeat your answer once and offer only what already exists.
You're invited onto an optional project, committee or team
It's the volunteer slot. A plain no is fine. Offer one bounded piece if you want to.
You already said yes and now see you can't deliver
It's the regretted yes. Correct it the same day with a new date or a new owner.
The same kind of request keeps coming back
It's the pattern. Ask your manager for a separate conversation about your workload.
How do you say no to a coworker who asks for help?
It looks like you have been rewriting this message since lunch. The “no worries if not” at the end of Sam’s request is somehow what’s causing it, since you both know it really means there are some worries.
- How to spot it: the request looks friendly and a bit sideways, like “any chance you could take the report this week?” But Sam can’t assign you the work or set your priorities.
- What it usually means: Sam is buried too, and is just hoping someone will say yes, and maybe picked you because you usually do.
Stick to the simple statement and one explanation for not taking on extra work. Don’t go into a full description of your calendar.
I can’t take on the report this week. I’m finishing the client proposal for Thursday and need the remaining time for that.
Remember, if there is a small bit of extra work you genuinely have room for, you can mention it in a separate sentence, but it shouldn’t obscure your no.
I can’t write the report. I can send you the figures I already have by noon tomorrow.
Sam doesn’t need your whole calendar. Sam needs to know by three o’clock whether to go find someone else.
This is a subtle but common one. Saying “I’ll try” when you already know the answer can come back to haunt you later.
It may sound kinder at 2pm. But it lands much worse on Thursday, when Sam is still waiting for a report that was never coming.
If Sam contacts you after hours (e.g. 7 PM), then telling a coworker you can’t help after hours uses the same structure with an additional line about timing.
How do you say no to extra work from your manager?
It is now 4:40 on Wednesday. Your manager Maya has stopped by your desk and added another task to your already full plate. She wants you to get together the customer summary for Friday.
The forecast is already due to be handed in this Friday, and you can hear yourself starting to say “sure.”
- How to spot it: it looks like your manager is asking for work, and it looks like it will overlap with other work you have promised to get done by Friday.
- What it usually means: it looks like Maya doesn’t have a full list of your current tasks in her head, so she needs you to show her the trade-off.
Hand the decision back to your manager and treat the new work as real work that needs to fit into your current task list. Explain how the new work will conflict with other current tasks.
Maya can then decide what to trade off to take on this extra work.
I can take on the customer summary, but I can’t finish that and the forecast by Friday. Which should I prioritize, and what deadline should we change for the other?
As per the UK Health and Safety Executive’s Management Standards, organizations should provide achievable job demands within agreed working hours.2 That gives you some footing for raising the clash. This does not mean that any individual manager will agree with you, though.
It’s also useful to quote the work that will be required in terms of time. For example, “about half a day’s work” instead of “too much.” That gives Maya something to plan around rather than a feeling to argue with.
Once you agree the new plan, record it in one line of text so you both have the same record next week.
Thanks. I’ll complete the customer summary by Friday and move the forecast to Tuesday, as agreed.
If you can already see a current deadline slipping, state that you will miss it in this same conversation, as covered in telling your boss before it’s due.
What do you say when someone says it will only take a minute?
“Only a minute” is a unit of time that only appears in other people’s requests. Sam has replied to your “no” with exactly that, and added “it’s really urgent.” Your thumb is hovering over a reply that starts “okay, fine.”
- How to spot it: it’s a re-statement of a task you’ve already declined, and the follow-up may reduce the scope of the task (“it’s tiny”) or increase the pressure to deliver it (“I’m desperate here”).
- What it usually means: Sam’s problem is still real and unsolved, but the follow-up should be dealt with in the same way as the first request. Your answer stays the same.
Ask for more information if you’re unsure of the scope of work; otherwise, simply restate your previous response calmly. Fresh excuses only invite more discussion of the reasons you should do more work.
I understand it’s urgent. I still can’t take ownership of it today. I can send the existing spreadsheet, but I won’t be able to update it.
If the pushback turns into whether you’re a team player, don’t get pulled in. Do not try to justify your character. Keep it on the two tasks and leave your character out of it.
I want the team to meet both deadlines. Taking this on would put the proposal at risk. Let’s check with Maya about which task should come first.
Remember that keeping your tone neutral is better than resorting to sarcasm, even if someone is pressing you against your interests. Don’t go into a long list of all the favors that you have done for the person since March.
Be careful not to agree to both deadlines just to end an awkward moment and then fail to meet one of them. That promise comes due on Friday.
If the pressure keeps going for days, there’s a longer explanation of how to respond when someone keeps pushing after you say no.
How do you turn down an optional project at work?
The email opens with “We’d love to have you on the project team.” You’re halfway through writing a yes before you’ve even read the rest and seen who else is on it.
- How to spot it: it’s pitched as an opportunity. Does your job require you to take on extra work like this? No.
- What it usually means: someone needs extra hands, and you get to decide whether or not your time can be used for this work.
I can’t join the project team this month. I can review the two-page brief on Wednesday and send comments by four.
This message is set out well, with the task of reviewing a brief, a scope of two pages, a day of Wednesday and a time of four pm. The “Happy to help however I can” message usually ends up being so much more work for you, as you have to constantly go back and forth with them to agree the details of the additional work.
Please do not offer the work to another team member without checking with them first to see if they have time to take it on. You can suggest asking the team lead who has the most capacity.
Just saying no is fine for extra work that is optional, too. You do not need to come up with alternative work to make up for it, and you certainly don’t owe your evenings and weekends.
How do you take back a yes at work?
You said “sure, no problem” in a hurry, while your brain was still loading the calendar. Twenty minutes later, when you open up the launch tracker for the project, your stomach drops.
- How to spot it: you agreed fast, in a meeting or a hallway, and you’re only now looking at the calendar. The math fell apart after you said yes so quickly.
- What it usually means: the original commitment needs to be reissued today in a form that is doable for you, while there’s still time for someone to re-plan.
Admit to your hasty agreement to accept more work. Commit to an alternative work arrangement that you can actually fulfill.
I agreed before checking the work remaining on the launch. I can’t deliver the analysis by Thursday. I can complete it by Monday, or we need to discuss another owner.
Send this the same day you realize the need to recant. With each passing day, Maya and Sam have fewer options for replanning around the change.
What do you do when extra work requests keep coming back?
The CDC’s National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health describes job stress as the harmful responses that happen when work requirements don’t match a worker’s capabilities, resources or needs.3 When the extra requests never stop, like Sam’s, that mismatch is the real topic.
- How to spot it: you said no to Sam’s reports three times this quarter, and a fourth request has just arrived in your email inbox.
- What it usually means: one more polite no won’t change anything. A conversation with Maya about your current workload is in order.
Start your discussion of the work requested of you by framing this as a planning problem that requires input from both Maya and yourself. Before it, make a list of all the favors requested of you, estimate the amount of time each takes to complete, and note what has slipped as a result of taking on these tasks.
Discuss which parts of your role you must keep going and what could stop.
Maya, could we take twenty minutes this week to look at my workload? I’ve picked up four extra requests this month, and the launch work is slipping because of them.
The scenario is slightly different when there are clashes between different people giving you instructions for work. This is covered in asking which task to prioritize when instructions conflict.
Will saying no to extra work hurt your reputation?
The next morning, you run into Sam in the kitchen and Sam says hi as if nothing had happened. All the horrible arguments you came up with over half the night never came to pass.
What people tend to remember is how you handle things afterward. There is no need to go back and soften your refusal after the event.
- Keep your commitments. Get the numbers to Sam by noon, and flag any delays on your other work as soon as you spot them.
- Treat Sam as you normally do. Be polite to Sam and answer Sam’s next question on other work as usual, without trying to make up for the no with a surprise favor.
- Write a one-line note. Record the revised priorities when Maya moves the forecast. That saves a confusing conversation two weeks from now.
- Do not CC anyone. Copying people in to prove you were right would cost more goodwill than the original “no” did.
Practice your no before Sam asks
Write a two-sentence no for the next extra-work request you expect, then practice saying it to Sam in Quippy until it comes out without the word "unfortunately."